Weeks passed and every time Natasha tried to call Wills, he always had yet more revision to do. Winter turned into Spring. Being one year older, Wills had to take exams, so Natasha delved into the complex female characters of Lady Macbeth and Henry Miller's Elisabeth in The Crucible and left Wills to his exam prep. She tried not to feel his absence too much, telling herself that she must let him achieve, and not disturb him. After Natasha's father had left, she felt that she didn't have the right to ask for attention from any male figures. She had to wait. Wait for them to have time. Wait for them to be the ones to come to her. Wait. Even if she was hurting. She felt that she did not deserve to ask. Only wait.
"Are you coming"? Francesca crashed into Natasha and slammed the sauce splattered ramekins down on the plates that Natasha had left on counter to be cleared away by the kitchen staff.
"Jesus, where did you come from?" Natasha whispered so that Michael the beady eyed restaurant manager wouldn't hear. Waitresses talking to each other in the restaurant, on duty was a definite no no.
"Just wanted to get you out of your little daydream before Mr. Michael caught sight of your sugar glazed eyes" Francesca teased. "So...are you coming to Camellias birthday party"?
"Oh....umm, I am not sure..." Natasha dug her hands deep into her red apron pockets, avoiding Francesca's curious gaze.
She'd become friends with Francesca...Franny..one of The Babes...whilst earning her holiday pocket money at the ever more popular Connect-Four. This Italian-American restaurant that was packed every night due to a combination of killer factors. The generic family friendly menu was reasonably priced and Micheal the manager, a pseudo-suave kinda guy who fit the Italian-American NYC diner look, cashed in by only employing young, pretty high school girls to wait on the tables. Natasha didn't mind, she liked talking to the families with their smiling faces and constantly correcting their attempts to pronounce Fajitas with a "h" sound instead of a "j". The endless supply of families of four would somehow remind her that happy families could still exist. It was like a balm to her pain.
Franny always cheered up Natasha, with her brutal honesty, ironic nicknames and love of banoffi pie at break in the cloakroom.
"Oh, come on, Babes...besides, Camellias' Dad's paying so you can order anything...unlike here" Franny winked at one of the chefs she had her eye on, despite being in a serious relationship. Michael only allowed them to have certain menu items, or they would have to pay extra. Natasha was no stranger to having to save since her father had left, so she always had the same. Scrambled egg with black pepper. Something simple. It wasn't even on the menu. No-one could blame her for being extravagant.
Extravagance was something that Camellia was familiar with. She waited for her guests black cars to arrive at the boutique hotel restaurant in her new Dolce & Gabbana dress. Natasha had been picked up with Scarlett from the train station.
"Hi, I didn't know you were coming?" Natasha smiled. She had always like Scarlett. She was a reluctant "Babe" after being transferred to the same school as The Babes, because of her parents' divorce.
"Neither did I, until today...Franny twisted my arm" Scarlett sighed, smoothing down her merlot coloured dress in the back of our black chauffeured car.
"Oh you too?" Natasha asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah, well...I wouldn't say this to The Babes, but Camellia is not exactly Little Miss Sunshine is she?"
Natasha laughed out loud. The Chauffeur eyed them from the front view mirror. Natasha covered her mouth and held Scarlett's knowing gaze
"You never know who's listening. Camellias' father owns half the town" Scarlett winked at her. Natasha relaxed and fell back into the leather seat as they drove into the night.
During dinner Natasha was glad that she had been put at the end opposite Scarlett. Between them they shared a bottle of wine to themselves and luxuriated on the many courses whilst The Babes shrieked and gossiped as Camellia opened increasingly ridiculous and expensive presents from her heavily made up loyal subjects.
"Did you get her..." Natasha whispered, her face flushed from wine and rich food
"...Not at all..." Scarlett giggled without letting her finish.
Natasha glanced across at the giddy Babes who were so oblivious to Scarlett and Natasha at the end of the table, they might as well have not been there.
"En...joy.. it" Scarlett's voice was muffled took another spoonful of chocolate mousse.
Natasha shrugged and tucked in herself
"Are you staying over at Camellia's"
"mmmhumm" Scarlett's mouth full again "Her father has paid her fleet of black cars to drive us back to the hurly burly castle..you're coming right?"
Natasha nodded, she felt better that Scarlett staying. The last thing that she had wanted was to stay over night with The Babes, a couple of hours were usually enough to keep up the pretence, but she hadn't wanted to be impolite.
Suddenly there was a lull in the room and a domino of whispers. Natasha sipped from the oversized glass, a little dizzy from too much wine and saw a little blurred, two young men walking towards the long table in the fairy lit room.
As they got closer, she gradually could make out a sturdy physique with blonde hair, suddenly Camellia jumped up and swung her arms around the young man and fell into his lap as he sat down. Natasha felt her heart skip a beat and stomach turned. Scarlett grabbed the glass before Natasha let it fall from her grasp and spilling only some of the Rioja onto the table. Wills eyes avoided hers and instead had a fixed hard stare that she had not seen in him before, devoid of the joy that she was so familiar with. Camellia looked like she had got the cats whiskers, glancing back and forth between her loyal Babe subjects and this almost stern, but handsome young man that she now had firmly in her grasp.
Natasha jolted, knocking her cutlery onto the floor as she ran to the bathroom. The Babes giggling subsided as the last cake fork crashed onto the tiles. Everyone was starring in Scarletts' direction.
"I'll go..." Scarlett started
"No...Let me." Camellia responded with a sneer.
Natasha was overcome with fear and tears. She found it hard to control her breathing. She had not seen it coming,
"How could I have been so blind?" Natasha thought trying to catch her breath.
Suddenly she heard someone come into the cubicle next to her.
"Natasha...are you there" Camellia knocked on the wall between them, her voice in a faux caring tone "Are you OK? I'm sooooo sorry.....Natasha....are yoooou oook?" Her voice was high and patronising.
Natasha could not say a word to her and her presence was making breathing harder, as if Camellia was choking her despite there being a door between them. How dare she even come in and say anything to her, what did she think she was doing? Was she completely callous? Natasha had never experienced such outright entitlement, seeing her boyfriend taken from her and the realisation that she was there to watch it unfolding in front of her hidden in plain sight, Natasha could not believe her sheer audacity. She just wanted Camellia to get away from her.
"Didn't you know? I thought you knew?" Camellia continued in her baby voice that felt like a samurai's sword slowly slicing out Natasha's heart and cutting it into tiny pieces whilst she was made to watch.
Natasha didn't say a word, but managed to get out of the bathroom, taking a chunk of loo roll with her.
Scarlett touched her arm as Natasha some how sat back down wiping her face, blotchy with crying.
"I need to get out of here" Natasha pleaded Scarlett.
"I can't I have to stay, it's late and I would wake up my sister if I left with you now. Besides, I haven't got enough to get a taxi back and all the trains have stopped"
Natasha glanced at her watch and through her teary eyes she saw it was past midnight and without enough pocket money to get back either, she was stuck too.
The black fleet headed like a leviathan snaking out of the city through the moors into the Hurly-Burly valley. Natasha lay with her head on Scarletts' lap in the back of the car going over what she had seen in disbelief many times. Scarlett patiently listened over and over again until the black car pulled into the drive of a large mansion with turrets and a large bay window. As Natasha sat up, she could see one of the Babes was calling for Camellia to one of the bay windows. As Natasha made her way out the car, unsteadily, she saw Camellia wrapped in only a towel and throw down a key. Natasha saw Wills LandRover and saw Camellia disappear back into the darkness half naked. Natasha ran to one of the immaculately kept garden beds and threw up over the roses. Her hair got caught in one of the thorns and she snagged it away as she wiped her tear stained cheek. Scarlett ran over and caught her as she stumbled and they walked to the heavy wooden door together, like entering a dungeon.
Scarlett managed to hold her upright until they got to Camellia's bedroom. Natasha entered into some sort of hazy rage as she went into her ensuite to see a semi candle lit bath still warm. Natasha contemplated knocking over the candles and setting light to the house, but through her wine filled haze, opted instead to find Camellia's diary. Scarlett stopped Natasha from searching down the dark hall where Camilla had taken Wills like a hyena dragging her prey to her layer. Natasha defeated, took to the rest of the house, trying to find clues, something that would help to understand who this was that had taken her love from her and made her watch her cruel act unfold.
In the sprawling dining room with a large, polished oak table, on the corner cabinet sat a family photo, two children, Camellia sat in front of her parents, next to her brother, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Natasha's head had started to throb, she walked slowly to the floor to celling windows that looked out upon the extensive grounds leading down to the valley at the foot of the moors. The moon shone upon her salty face as she heard a footstep behind her.
"Natasha". Wills walked to the edge of the oak table, his face half lit by the moonlight.
Natasha walked steadily towards him, feeling sober and waves of sadness flowed over her, like liquid mercury in the night.
"I...Wills....did you?.." Natasha couldn't even say the word
"No...I couldn't..she tried...but I couldn't" Wills dropped his head
"Why.....? I mean...I can't compete with all this....!" Natasha swept her hand around the grand dining room with long rose drapes by the floor to celling windows and the candelabra resting on the french cabinet.
"Is that what you think this is all about?....Natasha...I don't care about this!" Wills waved across the rooms' extravagance. "It's not about this...."
"Then what?" Natasha's tears welled up again. The silence hung heavy between them.
"Natasha, you know...I wanted to be the one for you but you wanted more than one...."
"What...??" Natasha's stomach turned again and that feeling of sickness came over her as her mind went racing for answers until it landed on that night that The Babes had asked her about the ski trip. Natasha turned white as she remembered reading the letter and how she was too ashamed to tell them about how Scottie had nearly abused her and had taken advantage of her innocence and vulnerability. She suddenly realised that they must have filled in the gaps themselves and told a false story to Wills that she had cheated on him. But why would they do such a thing?
"Camellia" She whispered to herself realising that The Babes had used that confused night against Natasha, so that Camellia could get Wills to herself.
"but Wills!...." she looked up and he was not there. She ran out to the hallway to see his LandRover driving off into the night.
Natasha wanted to let her rage out, but she realised that she was trapped inside like a prisoner of war in the enemy camp and she was outnumbered, but she would not be a victim.
As cold as a Russian winter she went back into Camellia's bedroom where The Babes were lying across the beds as Camellia was curled up on her bay window seat staring out into the night where Wills had left. Natasha took Camellia's diary that she had found and opened it in front of everyone slowly turning the pages in plain sight. Camellia watched Natasha's cold glare shift from the pages of the diary to look her in the eye. Natasha was no longer afraid, she only felt the cruelty of someone who was so used to getting exactly what she wanted that she would feel no remorse in watching her pain of realisation that this time she had lost. That this would be the first of many and that there was no 'winning' in this world, for people like her, she would only know the taste of forced, feigned affection, based on regret and hurt, but never, true love.
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