A day of fasting was hard work, quite far from a high holiday. The inner resources you have to draw upon in order to live through the day gave me a sharp pain-(literally, in the side of my head) realising how we mindlessly consume: food, music, tv, museums, words, images, everything, without thinking about why or how. Now this may seem like a no-brainer, but how often have we realised this, but then kept on doing it, mindlessly. My thoughts delved deeper the more I had to control my urges to pick up a carrot and munch on it. I started to think- what if that carrot was not there for me to munch on, what then? What if none of these things that I regularly consume, just simply disappear, what is left-when you are faced with nothing, a nothingness, my mind flitted to images of the never-ending-story and being consumed by a nothing. Walking to the synagogue, my senses were heightened and I found my self becoming increasingly aware of both time, space and my being within it. Finally, on the upper gallery I found it hard to concentrate on prayers, so I closed my eyes as the night sky fell through the windows. Within my inner space, I could feel the tension of the people within the temple as we swayed toward the rhythm of rabbi and the final moments before the blow. A beat, then, blast. Brrrrrrrrrrrbumphhh. Sounded more like a fog horn than a call to god. As I slowly opened my eyes I found myself admidst a mad dash-to what though? I was confused. Then as I reached the stairs I saw elegantly dressed lady scoff a large piece of chocolate cake into her red-lipped mouth. As I reached the ground floor, water was being passed feverishly around. I couldn't help but think of those concerts and parties I used to go to , religiously as a teenager. There, hundreds of unwashed, beautifully dressed stylish people would crowd into a heavily decorated room for hours on end and then fling themselves finally back into the night air gasping for breath, water and-I want to say each other, but it was more like chocolate cake. So this year begins anew and for me that glimpse of nothingness is powerful enough to turn this leaf all over.
Comments